A Great Day

Today was a good day for me. Not sure what all made it different...well, maybe some ideas. First, I spent a little time with my grand children this morning before work. It was nice. We read a few books and talked...I pretty much did the listening part. It was relaxing, I like my day to start out with them because I know they love me and like being with me as much as I do them. Unless, of course their uncles are around, then they tend to ignore me! Its o.k. though. In the past 2 days, I have had a few nice compliments. Very interesting to me because life, in my world, has not been so rosy. For some reason, I have made it good for others...or so I have been told. I am glad that I can make people laugh and take their mind off things, even if only for a minute. It helps me also, even when I don't think it will. I know I have a lot to work on, I guess that is just life. But if I can make someones day a little bit brighter, that is good enough for me. Kind of sad though, did not talk to Matt today. Its his birthday...I'm o.k. with it- did not talk to Brent either...Been 3 days for him..I am not calling. Funny how I talk about both of them now. Pretty much in the same category. I really like Brent, its kind of sad to think I won't see him. At the same time, he will not change. I can't imagine him being different from the way I know him. Its nice to have someone around but I'm tired of him making all the decisions. That leads to something I just thought of that Rick had said to me. He said we probably wouldn't get along, because he can tell that I can be stubborn(??!) and want my way and he is the same way.... hhmm..maybe he is right. Don't even want to touch the Rick thing right now. I'm very thankful for the day I had. It was great!

Gain Or Lose

That is my question...not really sure there is a right answer. Well, I guess it depends on who you talk to. It seems that I have an answer that most people would not like. In fact, I did get "some" feedback the other day, I was 50/50 happy. I have been very pleased with the amount of weight I have lost in the past year. Why wouldn't I be?? I am wearing a size that I have not worn since high school ! At first, I wasn't trying to lose weight, then, I started watching...hmmm. if I only eat soup- lets see what happens....that kind of thing. I feel great, blood sugar looks good, people have told me I look good.. really has built up confidence.. seemed to bring on "men" problems though(thats another story, another time),anyway I was thinking.... this is great. Maybe I should step out a bit and try to do something else..hmm. Lets try to quit smoking. Wouldn't that be great?? Look good, feel good, no smoking, life would be good... Wrong---not going to happen. In the past week since I decided to "try", I have gained 5#. I will be miserable if I gain it back. So my question to myself---Do I gain weight? Or Do I lose the cigarettes? There may never be a time when I can quit smoking. So many think that is a cop out. Maybe it is. But it is My failure. I choose that right now because I am happier losing weight. For some reason, God has looked down on me and smiled all these years. Many ask why?? I am certainly the first to ask . By the grace of God, I am still here. I am very thankful. He and I have "talked" about this predicament of mine...we're comfy with it. The men in my life right now may be helping me make wrong decisions or I am just a push over.What ever it is, I am happy with my decision to keep losing weight ,get rid of those bbq chips and lollipops, buy a pack of cigarettes,a can of soup and let the weight go.

Sometimes I get really tired of having choices. "Options", if you will. Everyone has them. You just never know if you made the right one. Multiple choice... you can't erase it if you chose the wrong one. I know, thats life ,right?? Today is day four on smoking under a pack a day. Wimpy way out, maybe should have just went cold turkey- there it is, a choice.... I'm happy with it. I think. Hardest part is mornings. I know there are people that don't think I will quit-- me included, I want to--just never really been a strong person. Yesterday I chose to talk to both Brent and Rick. They both knew I would not call either one of them for different reasons, so they each chose to call me. I kind of like that....I chose to make it brief with Brent. Right answer.. sticking with that. I'm on the edge with Rick. He said he is coming over...we'll see. When I'm with him, I never smoke, not because he doesn't want me to, I just don't. He knew I would not call him- so I waited, he called....just like Brent. I never called Brent; he called, eventually. They both made the choice to call. I made the choice to answer. Right choice? I don't know. can I erase it and start over?

About Me

I have decided to start a blog. I'm not really sure where it will go. I just thought it might be therapeutic for me - a place to organize my thoughts. Over the past few years, my life has become confusing. Actually, each day sometimes is more confusing than the last.

I am a woman in my forties. I have three children: Maryanne, Matthew, and Eric. They are all in their twenties. I also have three grandchildren: Chiara (age 4), Ezekiel (age 3), and Isabel (age 1). I also have one grandchild on the way, due in December. I have been divorced for almost four years after being married almost 25 years. Right now, I am at a point where I have decided to try dating again. It isn't an easy or a fun thing to be thrust into. I am just trying to pray each day for God to lead me in the right direction.

I'm not really sure what direction this blog will go in. Somedays I have really bad days, others are wonderful. I think that I will just use it as a record of my life - remembering fun times, and learning from mistakes.